Desire

Her hair is where it starts

It’s not very well kept, you can tell

Which is why you are amazed.

Why does it look so damned good?

Why do you feel like holding her close

And giving it a good, long whiff?

Her lipstick. Red. Crimson.

Bold, in defiance of what all

The other girls do.

Daring you to kiss them.

Daring you to want them.

Then those eyes.

So full of life.

And yet…

Weary.

Almost jaded.

But you know better.

She has not given up on wonder,

On the notion

That the world is Good.

Wondrous. Magnificent.

Her clothes, just on the safe side of

The provocation/proper divide.

Oh, this you know

She has spent lots of time

Thinking and planning and putting on

So you talk to her.

You tell her your observations.

And you see the veneer of professionalism

Drop from her eyes

Just for a moment.

She is amazed,

Despite herself.

That’s when you know,

You have her.

But you don’t.

You don’t actually want her.

Not after what happened

With another

Because she reminds you

Of a girl that you once knew.

And so you grin. Smugly.

All the while your heart leaks blood again.

Making Sense of Emotions

Every once in a while comes some material that fills in all the gaps and solves all the problems at the same time. This time, it’s two videos:

Esther Perel: The Secret to Desire in a Long-term relationship

Simon Sinek: Why Leaders Eat Last

Esther talks about two opposing emotions in relationships: Love and Eroticism  and how they interact with each other. Explains very logically every single tactic you may have read in PUA and attraction theory.

Simon talks about how emotions are completely controlled by chemicals sloshing about in our brain and why being stressed out all the time is extremely bad for long term health.

You might not have emotional problems now, but don’t you think you should have some information to navigate through them in the future?

These two here dispelled the funk I was in for the past two days. And God is in his heaven again.

Anticipation and Peace

Complex emotions. Wide awake. Time slows down. Do people who are about to meet divinity again feel like this?

Not that she is divine, no she is very much human. But the idea of our ideas mating and producing magic, bringing us closer. Funny how trust changes everything.

Instead of achievement, there is relief. Instead of obsession, there is a feeling of coming home. Instead of dropping the present and craving the future, there is mindfulness of the present and knowing that the future will come and it is so sunshiny, I need shades.

When there is a drive to improve yourself for the sake of the other, you know something special has happened.