Making Sense of Emotions

Every once in a while comes some material that fills in all the gaps and solves all the problems at the same time. This time, it’s two videos:

Esther Perel: The Secret to Desire in a Long-term relationship

Simon Sinek: Why Leaders Eat Last

Esther talks about two opposing emotions in relationships: Love and Eroticism  and how they interact with each other. Explains very logically every single tactic you may have read in PUA and attraction theory.

Simon talks about how emotions are completely controlled by chemicals sloshing about in our brain and why being stressed out all the time is extremely bad for long term health.

You might not have emotional problems now, but don’t you think you should have some information to navigate through them in the future?

These two here dispelled the funk I was in for the past two days. And God is in his heaven again.

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Anticipation and Peace

Complex emotions. Wide awake. Time slows down. Do people who are about to meet divinity again feel like this?

Not that she is divine, no she is very much human. But the idea of our ideas mating and producing magic, bringing us closer. Funny how trust changes everything.

Instead of achievement, there is relief. Instead of obsession, there is a feeling of coming home. Instead of dropping the present and craving the future, there is mindfulness of the present and knowing that the future will come and it is so sunshiny, I need shades.

When there is a drive to improve yourself for the sake of the other, you know something special has happened.

Luck and Romance

Admit it. You aren’t like them.

You’re not even close.

You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them, watch the same mindless television shows as they do, maybe even eat the same fast food sometimes. But it seems that the more you try to fit in, the more you feel like an outsider, watching the “normal people” as they go about their automatic existences.

For every time you say club passwords like

“Have a nice day” and “Weather’s awful today, eh?”,

you yearn inside to say forbidden things like

“Tell me something that makes you cry” or “What do you think deja vu is for?”.

Face it, you even want to talk to that girl in the elevator.

But what if that girl in the elevator (and the balding man who walks past your cubicle at work) are thinking the same thing?

Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger?

Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts.

Do the unexpected. Find the others…

– Tim Leary

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And so, once in maybe two lifetimes, you find a person whose values match yours completely. Luck or manifestation? Who knows?

Who cares?

For this person will also have exactly the same ideas of romance as yours.

If this isn’t the time to reenact your favourite love story, I don’t know what is.

The Dangers of Outsourcing and Trust

At some point, you will meet a person whom you will trust implicitly and completely. The reason why is because you can rely on this other person to help you shoulder your emotional burdens.

This is nothing more than outsourcing your biggest pain point to an excellent vendor. In a perfect world, this vendor would be at your beck and call 24/7 and he will solve all your issues and you will finally sleep well at night, knowing that your baby is going to be okay.

This feeling is extremely gratifying and is absolutely normal. After all, you have met someone who understood you so completely, that you don’t feel alone anymore.

You then offload everything you can to this amazing provider and next thing you know, your critical processes are also handled by them. The only problem at this point is that all it takes is just one instance where your vendor has to go to the loo for a big one (and is therefore unable to accept your feverish phone calls) while a crisis is happening and the whole damned thing will come down. On a logical level, you know he has done nothing to betray your trust, and yet…

This can also be taken as an allegory for personal relationships as well, if you haven’t joined the dots yet.

And so here’s a word of caution: trust is a beautiful thing. It’s also like a glass bridge. Try not to stress it out too quickly and despite what the rom-coms say, you might want to keep most of your burdens to yourself. Lest you forget how to deal with them.

The Proposition

“So, do you like any girl here? I’m a pretty good wingwoman, you know,” she said with that posh accent. ” Is there any girl you’d like to hook up with?”

Blood pounded in my ears. I grinned, “Yeah, well, have you ever succeeded in making someone hook up with… You?”

“ME? I, well, I, uh, no! I am going hiking tomorrow,” The fluster on her face was priceless.

“Well, do you have any plans for later?” I added, not uncertainly. The grin vanishing as I put on my best game face.

“Um, no, but I do have plans tomorrow…” The alcoholic haze probably left as well.

But suddenly, “Ah! Hey, you…” And some dude comes in and gives her a hug and they left even more suddenly.

The grin suddenly came back and it stuck around for a long time. Looks like someone couldn’t handle the heat.

Existence – Now, Yesterday, and Forever

Thoughts pop into my head. About a son I may have one day. About the smile of a lady quickly growing in significance in my heart. About what I am doing now. About the blessings I have received thus far.

And yet, I know that they are just beautiful dreams. But what is life without dreams? Tolle talks about the Now, about what is instead of what we want to come to pass. Instead of the past that haunts us. Funny how the past mostly consists mostly of loss, but isn’t that what it is? Seconds in time lost forever. How much of it is real and how much of it is made up?

I listen to Jason Silva enthusing about an optimistic future and find myself yearning for such a future. Surely, if I could remember a time without cellphones like it was yesterday, there will be nanomachines and immortality in my lifetime? Surely if less than a hundred years ago, a “World War” involved only of a bunch of nations around Europe, we can envision a world with no countries? If less than fifty years ago, most of the Western world legislated the end of discrimination against 50% of the human race, we can expect the end of identification with arbitrary geological territories?

But what are they if they are not beautiful dreams? What’s left for us to do today? Now? Does anything in the past matter?